I guess the week caught up with me yesterday, I was exhausted. I was kind of trying to take a nap, but got a phone call, then Macy got up, then I realized that it was late and I should call Rick. Some days go by so fast. Rachel and Don went to a movie yesterday afternoon and took Rozalyn because they couldn't find one that fit between her feedings, Macy stayed with me.

Yesterday was Stake Conference in the Ririe Stake. The Spirit was so strong you could feel it envelope you. I was absolutely overwhelmed with all of it, but then when we stood to sing the intermediate hymn I turned and looked behind me (some friends had saved me a seat in the third row) and I was completely overcome by being in a room with so many Latter Day Saints. Some of the things that we took for granted for so long. The speakers were incredible. The Stake President of only one year, President Foster, is a friends of ours and the kindest, most compassionate man I can think of, needless to say his talk was wonderful. All of this made me all the more anxious to return to my little island and try to share some of that Special Spirit that I felt here in Idaho.

When I talked to Rick later in the day and he told me about the Primary Presentation in the St Croix Branch, it made me all the more committed to work harder to bring the Spirit to the Saints there, so they can someday have the same experience that I had yesterday. It will happen, I know it, we just have to work hard on ourselves and be patient. Last night as I was falling asleep and thinking about the day, I felt my Saviors love wrap around me like a warm blanket, it was another incredible experience.

Woke up this morning with incredible siatic pain in my left side, it was hard to get up off of the "little bed", but I couldn't do it fast enough to get some Ibuprophen, sitting on a hot pack now and it feels a little better. Not sure what the plan is for today. Rachel has to take the baby to the doctor later this afternoon and I'm not sure if she wants me to go with or if she wants me to stay home with Macy.

Have plans to go to the Temple with a friend tomorrow, finally. Rachel seems to be doing pretty well and if she can go to the movies she can be alone for a few hours while I go to the Temple. Actually, tomorrow I'm going in the evening with a friends who works during the day, but I have another offer to go later in the week in the afternoon with another friend and I think I'm going to take her up on it.

Rachel and Don put the lights on their Christmas Tree last night, and "it's starting to look a lot like Christmas" around here. I have wrapped all of my packages but still having a hard time getting in the mood. I suppose that's because I'm away from home. Rick will be here on Saturday, so that should help.

I can't believe how stupid I have been. For a long time my motto has been "Attitude is Everything" and here I have been having a bad attitude, well as soon as I realized that, I started to turn it around and things have been better. Yesterday, I took Macy to her dance class, it was fun to watch her, she is so into her dance. Then we went shopping in Idaho Falls, there were a couple of things that I was looking for and I had gone everywhere (all the stores that we don't have on St. Croix) anyway, yesterday Macy and I ended up at K-Mart and I was able to find everything I needed, Go figure. I promised her lunch at McDonalds, so we went and had a nice lunch. It was a very pleasant day.

This morning her parents went out to do horse things, so I was here with the girls and we had a fun morning. Macy wants to do everything I do and be with me all the time. I do love it, but I also hope it won't be hard for her again when I leave.

One week from today Rick will be leaving to come to Idaho. I can't wait, I really miss him. Actually I'm a little surprised at how much I miss him, must be the fallout of being so together for the last six months. I have come to realize that we were really done here in Idaho. Rick thinks that we probably stayed at least 6 months longer than we probably should have, but that's what comes from being stubborn. I keep telling people that we are in St. Croix because that is where we are supposed to be at this time in our lives, and I really believe this to be true, but now I also know that we were done in Idaho. It was a wonderful place to be for 17 years and the last 7 on Antelope Flats in Swan Valley being a part of the Palisades Ward were awesome but it was time to move on. Strangely, it's a real comfort to know that. I miss some of the people terribly and hope that they will visit and we can stay in touch but I don't miss living in Idaho and I figure we probably won't ever be back, to Idaho that is.

Went with Rachel, Macy and Rozalyn to see Tangled today, it was spectacular and we had a nice time. Went to do a little shopping afterward and that was a mistake. Some days it seems that no matter what I do, I do it wrong. I go on and on about how tightly wrapped people are here and that everyone seems really stressed but I'm starting to think it's me. I know that the first thought is always that is must be the other guy, but the reality of the situation is I'm the misfit. I don't seem to even understand what people are telling me or what I am trying to tell them.

I'm going to try real hard to stop complaining and just "grin and bear" it, I really do believe that once Rick gets here I will feel better, at least someone will understand me.

Thinking today how important it is to have the Spirit in or lives, I have been struggling to feel that here. Once again I know that's my fault. It really is hard for me to maintain that. Must pray harder and be more diligent.

Just another "just shoot me" day in Idaho. I wanted to have pictures of the girls taken, especially Rozalyn, in her blessing dress. I was hoping that Rachel could have a nice collage made up, like the one she had of Macy. Trying to avoid the "second child syndrome". Anyway, I suggested we go to Sears and have them done, just as we did with Macy. What a disaster. The little girl who was the photographer didn't seem to know what she was doing, we had to suggest poses and keep the kids happy. In the end, she did get some nice pictures but the cost was exorbitant. Rachel was so frustrated or something, she didn't get the collage and the pictures we did get, although nice were not exactly what I was hoping for. One more thing that Grandma wanted to do and have workout that was a bust.

Had trouble getting through on the phone to Rick tonight, the cell service with Sprint was not good at Rachel's house. Yesterday it was great and today crap. I did manage to tell him that I think we got out with our lives just in the nick of time. I have realized that I can no longer live the way people do here. It is incredible. The gray and cloudy days are getting to me. I have to look for the positive, I am enjoying the girls. Rozalyn is so precious and Macy is a lot of fun. I have to just focus on that and enjoy my time with them.

My friend from Swan Valley, Carol Gallup, called me last night and asked if I wanted to go to town today and do some shopping with her, I jumped at the chance. We didn't leave until late morning, so I could be sure I got up with Macy and that all was well with Rachel. We shopped right on through lunch and I got all of my Christmas shopping done, except for Rick. Boy, does it feel good. I was getting nervous about finding the things that Macy wants, but it's finished. Now if I can pick up the few things that I want for Rick and one more small thing for Rachel and Don, I will be completely and totally done.

I have to admit, while shopping at Toys R Us a young sales clerk was so helpful, she took me from aisle to aisle helping me find everything I was looking for. Makes me take back my comments about nobody being helpful.

It was amazing what Carol and I could get accomplished in a few hours. We managed to make it into four different stores and get everything we needed.

Spoke with Rick tonight and he sounds pretty lonely. I have to admit that I really do miss him too. We have never been apart for this long, or this far apart before. Rick reminded me that at least I'm with family he is all alone. On well only 11 more days and he will be here.

Tomorrow we are taking the girls for pictures and to see Santa. It should be fun. Macy is so excited. Have to admit, I am too.

Well here are some observations that I have made since I've been back in the states. There is a lot of stress in the air. You can actually feel it just going about your business. People are not relaxed and they are not friendly and helpful to one another. One of the first things that we noticed when we moved to St.Croix was how helpful everyone was, here people don't seem to want to get involved.

Here is an example: Late Tuesday night at the Salt Lake City Airport, while I was waiting for the shuttle from the hotel to pick me up a lady and her two kids were also waiting to be picked up. The kids were getting impatient and said to the mom, "where is he," Mom replied, "I'm not sure he has got to be here somewhere", so the kids said "call him", Mom then says, "I can't my phone is dead". I'm thinking that's easy, I take my phone out of my pocket and say to the lady, "here use mine", she was shocked. So she says to me, "are you sure?" "Yes I told her, I have unlimited coverage, so it's no big deal, just call". She did and couldn't get her party, but the thing that really took me back, was the fact that she was so shocked that I would offer her my phone.

Today as I was doing some Christmas shopping with Rachel, you could literally feel the tension in the stores. People were definitely stressed. We were in Kohls, and they must have been having some gigantic sale, because it looked like Black Friday, there were lines at the check outs and people everywhere. We didn't have any particular experiences with people but nobody is courteous and they really seem to be out for themselves.

Now the really sad part is that I find myself getting anxious and feeling stressed just being in that environment. I start to get impatient and really would rather not talk to people. Fortunately, I'm still at the point that I feel it happening and can "snap out of it", but I'm wondering how long does it take to become second nature. I don't like it.

I'm homesick, I want to be warm and I want to feel more comfortable out in a crowd. It's funny, because when we first moved to St. Croix, I didn't feel real comfortable. I wondered how long it would take before that would happen. I didn't really notice it happening but apparently it did, because I feel more comfortable there than here.

Rachel told me yesterday that people keep asking her when we're coming back, assuming that our time on St. Croix is real temporary or some kind of a lark. I explained to her, again, that we have no "exit date" and for all we know we might stay there forever. I wonder why people still haven't taken our move seriously.

Also, I thought that once I was back in Idaho, I would slip right back into old habits and maybe feel homesick for Idaho. Well that has not happened, I'm looking forward to spending Christmas with the girls and having our family together but there really is nothing here for me but my daughter and her daughters. Well that's all I know for tonight, I'm babysitting and I'm tired and would like to go to bed and read. Macy is down for the count but I have Rozalyn in her swing and I don't want to leave her alone in the living room so I guess I'll stay up and wait for Mom and Dad to return.

Been a little out of commission when it comes to posting. I'm borrowning time on Rachel's computer so it's not always convenient and I have been wiped out (last night I fell asleep at 8:30 while we were watching a movie). Finally caught up on sleep last night, did spend the day running around with Rachel doing some shopping and running some errands. Don and Rachel went to a movie tonight and Grandma got to stay home with the girls.

I have to admit poor Macy is having a rough time adjusting to her new baby sister. Probably she is having a rough time adjusting to not being the center of everybody's universe. I have seriously been trying to give her most of my attention, but tonight when Mom and Dad were gone I had to spend more time with Rozalyn and Macy was not impressed. I feel pretty bad for her, but at the same time she has got to adjust. It's rought to be four.

I guess it's time to recount the trip. I was so stressed but I ended up being pretty preoccupied during the flights that there wasn't much time for stress. We left St Croix a little late but not enough to make any difference. I sat next to a nice young woman and we chatted it up the whole trip. Visited with some nice folks in the San Juan airport so that time flew by. I got my seat changed to an aisle seat but it was at the very back of the place. We were ready for take off, right on time, when the pilot said we had to go back to the terminal due to some mechanical failure. They got the problem fixed and we were on our way only one hour later, but since I only had an hour between flights in Dallas, it didn't look too good for making my connection to Salt Lake city. I was flying American Airlines from St. Croix to Dallas and then switching to Delta, American had booked the entire itinerary so I'm not sure why they switched me to Delta, but they did. When we got to Dallas and hour late they were calling for all passengers who were going to Salt Lae City (they had a van on the tarmac to take the passengers to a plane) I started down the stairs lugging my carry on when someone noticed my itinerary sheet that said I was booked on a Delta flight and he says, "this is only for American Airline passengers, you can't go", I was then told that I had to go back to the gate to get rebooked. When I got to the gate they said, "why didn't you get on that shuttle?" so they proceed to tell me to got to the gate that this SLC plane was leaving from and said that they would call them and say that I was coming and to hold the plane, well it was way across the airport and I'm running up escalators onto a train and then down escalators to find that gate and Oh yeah, the plane had left. I went to the next gate and they clicked on their compute for about ten minutes and then said that they couldn't help me and I would have to go outside security to the ticketing desk. So I went down another escalator outside security to ticketing and started to get another run around. I firmly told the woman there what had happened and that I was not happy and could she please just take care of this. At first, she said that they could not do anything to get me out on that night but that they would gladly put me up in a hotel in Dallas. I told her I really did not want to stay in Dallas but would rather stay the night in SLC, they booked me stand by on a flight leaving in two hours for SLC. I was told that I had missed the last flight from SLC to Idaho Falls but that they would put me up in SLC. I was told to go to the American Ticketing desk in SLC and that they would get me a hotel voucher and all set up.

Anyway, as I'm waiting for the plane to SLC they announce that the flight is overbooked and say that they need three people to volunteer to take a flight in the morning. I'm sweating this out because I was told I was booked as a stand by. Anyway when we start boarding and when they scan my boarding pass it gets kicked out, so I'm thinking great when the woman at the gate says, "who is that, is it Byrem, here is her new oarding pass". when they lady hands it to me, before I can say anything she sayd, "your very welcome". I'm thinking what?, then I look at the boarding pass and I see that I'm now booked in First Class. That was nice. I was able to ride all they way to SLC with my feet up. They offered a nice meal, but I had eaten a sandwich at the airport, so I wasn't hungry. anyway, I was actually able to sleep some on this flight.

When I got to SLC, I went directly to ticketing to get my hotel voucher and guess what? there was nobody at ticketing, it was closed up tighter than a drum. I was about to scream, there wasn't anbody around except for the TSA people at the security checkpoint. I went over and asked one of the TSA officer if they knew how to contact anyone from AA. They asked what the problem was, when I told them they sent me to baggage and said their should be someone there, but if not to come back and they would find someone to help me. At baggage I found a women who told me that she coldnt help me, she suggested that I got to a hotel and save my receipt and deal with the airline later, I told her that wasn't happening, so she finally agreed to go to ticketing and see if she could squeeze a voucher out of the computer. After about a half an hour she did get a voucher and call the hotel to send a shuttle to pick me up. Got a good night sleep at a decent hotel and was back at the airport at 9 the next morning.

The flight to Idaho Falls didn'tleave until 11:20am and got into Idaho Falls at 12:15 but it was a nice flight and finally I was there. By the way, I never saw anyody getting a body scan and the only person I saw being patted down was me. In Salt Lake I had on a large baggy sweatshirt with no t shirt under it, when they asked if I could take it off, I told them no so they told me they had to call a female agent to pat me down. It was no big deal, she was just checking the sleeves and things like that for weapons. What is the big deal people? Do you want to be on the plane with the guy with exploading underwear? Not me.

Exhausted, but happy to see the girls.

I have to admit that I can't fault the airlines for the plane being late out of San Juan but the whole screw up in Dallas over whether or not I could get on that van to get that plane to SLC, really got me going. The First class seat did buy me off a little and the hotel room at absolutely no charge wasn't too bad but I sure was disappointed. The trip ended up taking 25 hours instead of 13.

Been here two and a half days and I'm freezing, the skies are cloudy, I had forgotten how dreary that made things. Went to the storage locker today to look for some things and that was overwhelming and depressing. Are we having fun yet?

Well at least I'm not stressed anymore, I'm just complaining like a baby. I think my biggest problem is that Im homesick. I'm loving having some time with Macy and enjoying getting to know Rozalyn and Rachel and I have been enjoying each others company but I miss the sunshine and warm weather. I miss Rick and I hate wearing shoes, my feet are well adjusted to flip flops.