More lessons and blessing from laying things down. Yesterday I was talking about the vehicle crisis and the things that we were not going to be able to do over the weekend. Rick was concerned about work on Monday and Tuesday, so he called the guy at the tire store to see if he knew anybody who sold used tires. We figured if we spent $50 for two used tires to get us around for 4 or 5 days we would be ahead of the game. This guy found us two used tires which he gave to Rick and even mounted them for free. Of course, we will be having our repairs done there and buying new tires from him but still this was a great blessing for us and a lesson is laying our problems at the feet of our Savior.

So...last night we went to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. We both enjoyed it immensely and even though there were many things left out we both felt that it was true to the book. It is definitely not a children's story anymore. It was very dark and sinister, the evil is more evil and good is having a very hard time overcoming. The stopping point for this first half of the last book was very dramatic and we are anxiously waiting for the conclusion.

Didn't get the cleaning done today that I had planned but Rick and I had a very pleasant day together and since we will be apart for about 3 weeks, it's nice to have these days together. Planning for Sunday and our church responsibilities and going to watch a move and have homemade pizza.

Friday, and it's a new day. Well of course, it's a new day, but for me a new day in more ways than one. I have really been struggling with a lot of things lately and wondering why everything has gotten so hard. In actuality nothing has gotten any harder, I had just given stopped having the faith that things would and could work out. This probably grew out of my having several crisis to deal with at once.

First, my ongoing dental crisis. I had a three tooth bridge put in about five years ago. At the time this dental work was done, I was not happy with it but instead of pursuing having the dentist correct the problem right then and there, I let it go, thinking I would deal with when I had to. Well here I am, five years later and 3500 miles away having to deal with it. This bridge that I paid over $2600 for never did fit right and so a piece broke off from one of the teeth right away, like within six months, then about eighteen months ago in fell out. My dentist at the time, cemented it back in and didn't say much. Somewhere in the first month here on St. Croix, it fell out again. I found a dentist to cement it back in again, which he did without saying much. That lasted about three months and I was back in the chair with the bridge in my hand. Now the dentist tells me that he can cement it back in but it won't last, because the front tooth under the bridge has broken off and it won't hold. So with that in mind, I paid him to cement it back in, in the hopes that it would last until after the first of the year and I could figure something out. Well this time it lasted about two weeks. I called the dentist back to find out my options and he wouldn't talk to me over the phone but said I had to come in for a consultation and x-rays. Went back paid him $50 for the consultation and $30 for two x-rays (they wanted to do a full mouth, but I told them let's just start with the area in question) to find out that I need a new bridge to the tune of $3600, plus I need the front tooth (in this bridge) pulled and a temporary crown made for the back tooth for the sum of $600, so this little dental crisis is scheduled to cost me around $4200 before it's over.

I made an appointment for the extraction and temporary crown and left the dentists office wondering how in the world I was going to come up with $600 for this first part of the ordeal. Spent two sleepless nights and twice as many days in gastro distress, when I realized that there was absolutely nothing I could do but worry and make myself sick, so I started praying. That was when I remembered something in the scriptures about Jesus saying that we should lay our burdens at his feet and he would make them light. I decided that this is what I needed to do, so I gave this burden over to Him. I did make several attempts to pick it up again, but I kept reminding myself to have more faith and LET IT GO. When we got paid, last week, I went through the budget and low and behold there was the $600 to pay for this. Now my first thought was of all the other things that I would rather spend that $600 on and then after having a little talk with myself, I was simply grateful that a way had been provided.

Yesterday was the appointed day and I had the deed done and paid in cash. Can't say that having a tooth pulled and a titanium post put in another one was a whole bunch of fun but it's over. I did get to eat ice cream and lay around and watch movies for the rest of the day without any guilt. That's gotta be worth something. I have to go back to the dentist on the 29th to see that everything is healing up nicely and then I can go to Idaho and relax. I will have to face the new bridge and the $3600 price tag when I come back, but somehow I know there will be a way.

Second, our ongoing vehicle crisis. Three weeks and three days ago we had to put new front tires on the "island car". That cost $200 that we had to rob "from Peter", but the really bad news was that when they went to do the alignment they found that the front end needed some work done, to the tune of $800. Rick decided and I agreed with him that we weren't going to put $800 into the little "island car" that we paid $2500 for, so we mereily drove off thinking well we'll probably lose some time off these tires but we'll face that bridge when we come to it. Well three weeks and three days later, there we were at the bridge abutment finding out that it had been washed away in our reoccurring deluge of car troubles. We took the car to someone we trusted (we didn't go to him for the new tires because he didn't have any to fit our car) for a second opinion and yes we need the front end work done, he was a little cheaper, he could do it for $750, but keep in mind that now we also need new tires again. We don't have much choice, so we charged the $400 they wanted to order the parts and are hoping they come in (ETA, Tuesday 11/23) before both tires go(well last evening one went, so now we have the "bicycle tire spare" on the car and are afraid to go anywhere, in fear that the other tire will blow out and we will be without a spare). Are you laughing yet? You should be, because somehow it seems that this can only happen to Rick and I. Today,, now that all the novacaine has finally left my brain and I'm thinking, I realize that this is another crisis that I can't handle, gotta lay it down and let someone else take over.

This started me thinking about all the things that I can't get done over the next four or five days because we really can't drive the car. In a effort to be a glass half full kind of person I turned that around and started thinking of all the things I could get done at home with no excuses to having to go somewhere. Things that I wanted to have done before I leave for Idaho, this is the way they can all get done with no guilt over thinking I should be somewhere else doing something else. Kind of like that eating ice cream all day thing because I had a tooth pulled. Anyway, maybe it won't be so bad. Rick has been able to arrange to get to work, so we'll still get paid and I do believe that somehow we'll be able to get where really need to be. See I'm getting better and better at this "laying my burdens down" thing.

We had planned to see the new Harry Potter movie this weekend and that will have to be put on hold, a little disappointing maybe but certainly not a crisis, and I was hoping to go to the beach on Saturday, but maybe we can walk to the one down below our place or maybe not, the beach will still be there next weekend. It's great to be able to see thing clearly now that all the fog has passed.

So, as if I wasn't depressed enough, today we can't get the Internet to boot up at the house. So, we're sitting at the Brew Pub having dinner and doing some business. Since I didn't get on yesterday and blog I thought I would take a few minutes to get this out of my system.

The weather has turned absolutely gorgeous here, cool, breezy, sunny and beautiful blue skies. Have to admit I could use a light blanket at night. I still go to the pool daily and workout, but once finished, I have been getting right out. Once I have worked out and gotten really warmed up, just hanging out in the cool water and really cool air, gives me the shivers. Guess I have acclimated faster than I thought.

Feeling anxious and more than a little "blue" lately, not exactly sure why. Trying to immerse myself in my writing class and now the Internet won't work. Oh well, I guess I can write anyway and wait to post it on my class whenever the service improves.

I'm trying real hard not to be negative here. I'm keeping this as my Journal and I'm not sure I want to come back to this a read a whole lot of negativity, much less have someone read about what a boob I was 100 years from now. (Of course, that's assuming that 100 years from now someone has the most remote interest in reading about me.) Yesterday when I was talking to a friend, I said that I needed to be careful not to be negative and she said she could never remember me being negative. That did make me feel good, because sometimes I feel that, that's all I am is negative. I truly have nothing to be upset about, but all the same I can't seem to shake feeling "bad". Maybe I just need more prayer???

What a beautiful day, finally. The sun was shining, the breeze was blowing and I got a lot done. Even had time for a swim in the pool (actually bobbing around after working out). Rick had a job interview tonight, for a job he seems to be excited about, I'm not so sure, but I'm not going to get too worked up until they offer the position to him.

Talked to Rachel this evening, after her doctor's appointment. She is going in next Monday morning at 7:30AM to have her baby, unless something happens before then. Hopefully she can hang on until then. I am disappointed that I won't be able to meet my new granddaughter until she is a week and a day old. I knew this was a possibility when I made my reservations. Rick was kind enough to offer to try to change my reservations, because he knows how much I want to be there, but I really don't want to leave him alone for Thanksgiving and when I first started looking at flying to Idaho, I was saving almost $300 by flying the Tuesday after the holiday as opposed to the week of, so I'm sure it wouldn't be cheap. I know Rachel will be fine without me there and the new baby really won't know the difference. It's the down side to living so far away.

Well I am going to look at the glass half full and get excited about the fact that two week from tomorrow night I'll be there with Miss Macy and my knew granddaughter. Now I really had better get with it in planning and getting everything ready. Also, have to finish up my creative writing class. The final exam becomes available on Nov. 26th, so I have four days to study up and take it and post my final paper. I really want to get that done before I leave.

Second post for today, because I am feeling and doing much better. I think just the act of saying that I would work hard to remove the negativity from my life has been a tremendous help. Also, no negative phone calls today. Also, had a great day with Rick, we went to Fredricksted, saw some friends and even went to the AT&T phone store to do some phone shopping for him ( you have a minimum wait of 45 minutes there) but it was all good. Praying for the strength to resist the negative has been a great blessing.

Talked to Rachel tonight and she is so ready to have this baby. I really feel for her, I know things are a little tough right now, but I also believe that they will be better soon. I'm starting to get excited about going and being with her and Macy and the new baby girl.

Started to get excited for Christmas too. Have to admit that's a first for me, cause I usually like to enjoy Thanksgiving to the fullest before I begin to even think about Christmas. Things on the island are starting to get festive with the Holidays in mind, so maybe that's it. We noticed today Christmas decorations up on the light poles all through town, it's kind of funny to see large snowflakes (I suppose winter themes just go with Christmas,no matter where you are). Today I bought a Christmas CD, all familiar Christmas songs with either a reggae or calypso beat. Kind of fun.

So, it's 5:45AM and I have been up for about an hour, that's up and out of bed, I have been awake for about 2 hours. Can't sleep. Not sure what's wrong with me. Seems like a lot of stress mixed with a little depression but I really can't put my finger on where either might be coming from. This is simply NOT me. Things are going pretty well for us here on St. Croix, so I really shouldn't be stressed and I really don't feel depressed. I haven't felt physically well for a few days, but I'm starting to wonder if that isn't just more stress and depression than actual physical illness. I think I am going to have to push myself a little bit more to get up, get out and shake this off.

I have to admit that I have been confronted with a whole lot of negativity lately and that is never good. It isn't me who is being negative but it seems to be coming from a lot of different directions. I do know that it is up to me to eliminate it from my life, no matter what. I really don't understand people who insist that the glass is half empty, it's just as easy to look at it as half full.

I become exasperated at people who are always complaining about a bad situation and yet they won't do anything to make it better. I think for me I am going to have to stay away from those people, so I don't let their frustrations and anxiety be my frustrations and anxiety.

I go about thinking that it's my job to listen to other people and their problems, then when they ask for help and I make a suggestion and they don't listen, I become frustrated. I have to realize that some people go around asking for advise and venting all of their problems because the want to complain and because they want to complain and have something to complain about they really don't want the bad situations in their life to get better. I know that we all judge from our own experience, but the idea of having a bad situation in your life, bad enough where you seek outside advise, then you refuse to listen to the advise (even though you admit that it is the same advise that several people, some professionals, have given you), and you keep complaining about the situation and seeking advise (from the same people who have already given you their best opinion), makes me crazy. This is so toxic to everyone involved.

Well maybe this late night/early morning rant has been worth something, because I think I have a clear course to follow. I need to eliminate anything and everything from my life that creates any negativity (at least for the moment). Apparently, I am way to susceptible to it. I definitely need to pray more and find my peace again. Then I need to be sure not to give my peace away to anyone for any reason. It is up to me. Just like I truly believe that no one can offend us, because we choose to be offended or not. I also believe that no one can take away our peace, with negativity or anything else, we choose to give it up. I will not do this again, I am worth so much more.

Realizing how derelict I have been in writing. The last few days have been so full,of what I'm not sure, but by 9 I'm ready to hit the sack and read for awhile. Both Monday and Tuesday I didn't make it to 10 before the book was slapping me in the forehead. Today we had errands to run all over the island, amid all the flooding and flash flood warnings, it was kind of exciting. It did feel good to get back to the safety of our condo this evening. Rick had to go out again to visit someone and unfortunately they were too flooded out for him to get to their home.

Trying hard to get things in order so I can make this trip to Idaho. Not exactly sure where to start. I guess I'll take the advise of Scarlett O'Hara about "tomorrow being another day".