Saturday, November 13, 2010

So, it's 5:45AM and I have been up for about an hour, that's up and out of bed, I have been awake for about 2 hours. Can't sleep. Not sure what's wrong with me. Seems like a lot of stress mixed with a little depression but I really can't put my finger on where either might be coming from. This is simply NOT me. Things are going pretty well for us here on St. Croix, so I really shouldn't be stressed and I really don't feel depressed. I haven't felt physically well for a few days, but I'm starting to wonder if that isn't just more stress and depression than actual physical illness. I think I am going to have to push myself a little bit more to get up, get out and shake this off.

I have to admit that I have been confronted with a whole lot of negativity lately and that is never good. It isn't me who is being negative but it seems to be coming from a lot of different directions. I do know that it is up to me to eliminate it from my life, no matter what. I really don't understand people who insist that the glass is half empty, it's just as easy to look at it as half full.

I become exasperated at people who are always complaining about a bad situation and yet they won't do anything to make it better. I think for me I am going to have to stay away from those people, so I don't let their frustrations and anxiety be my frustrations and anxiety.

I go about thinking that it's my job to listen to other people and their problems, then when they ask for help and I make a suggestion and they don't listen, I become frustrated. I have to realize that some people go around asking for advise and venting all of their problems because the want to complain and because they want to complain and have something to complain about they really don't want the bad situations in their life to get better. I know that we all judge from our own experience, but the idea of having a bad situation in your life, bad enough where you seek outside advise, then you refuse to listen to the advise (even though you admit that it is the same advise that several people, some professionals, have given you), and you keep complaining about the situation and seeking advise (from the same people who have already given you their best opinion), makes me crazy. This is so toxic to everyone involved.

Well maybe this late night/early morning rant has been worth something, because I think I have a clear course to follow. I need to eliminate anything and everything from my life that creates any negativity (at least for the moment). Apparently, I am way to susceptible to it. I definitely need to pray more and find my peace again. Then I need to be sure not to give my peace away to anyone for any reason. It is up to me. Just like I truly believe that no one can offend us, because we choose to be offended or not. I also believe that no one can take away our peace, with negativity or anything else, we choose to give it up. I will not do this again, I am worth so much more.

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