Just another "just shoot me" day in paradise! To be continued.........

Haven't posted in a few days, been too busy having fun. Enjoying the company of a good friend and enjoying watching her enjoy our island. Going and doing some things that we haven't done for a while. It's good to have company drag you out to see and do things that we take a little bit for granted.

Troubled lately by some "mean spirited" people. I do not understand why some folks have to be so judgmental, and say mean things, about things they really don't know anything about. I can't believe it when someone says something that they know will be hurtful just to yank your chain, especially people who should know better and be about good instead of evil. Everyone says it takes all kinds, but I really don't understand that kind. It really is so much easier to give people the benefit of the doubt and just be kind. Life is too short and too precious to be mean.

Don't know why I seem so busy lately, trying hard to find my routine. Rick finally got a job and a good one to boot. Unfortunately, it's another temporary one, anywhere from two to eight months according to the owner's of the company. He is still working on the job for the Territory and since we knew that wouldn't actually start in the very near future, this could be the perfect, fill in the gap. Whatever comes of it, we are soooo grateful. He's surveying again, so it's something that he is real comfortable with. We are both immensely relieved.

As I had stated many times before I really wasn't worried that we would find work, I just wasn't sure about how desperate we would have to be. Once again, we felt the prayers, encouragement and help of our good family and friends, getting us through this hump in the road. We are so fortunate.

Getting ready for a visit from a friend. Excited to have some company. It's kind of strange, when we moved here everyone joked about being our new best friend (hinting that they would love to come and visit) but only our family has taken us up on that. It's exciting when you live some place new and exotic to want to show it off to your friends, so I am really looking forward to this visit. It will also provide a nice relaxing diversion to the changes taking place in our lives with Rick getting back to "full time work".

Need to get moving to get everything ready. Having had very little motivation the past few weeks for any sort of housework, I really need to swamp this place out. It will feel good when it's done, I hope.

What an absolutely perfect day it has been. Celebrated my 60th Birthday with great breakfast (made by Rick) and a lazy morning visiting with him at home, in the afternoon we went to the beach, my favorite beach "Cane Bay", stayed until well after dark, it was glorious.

Great day for reflection on what is important in life. My daughter posted on her blog a few days ago; "all you need is love", couldn't agree with her more, but it's also important to give it. Having no trouble finding the Joy in things lately, it's amazing what a little change in attitude can do for you. I simply cannot believe how blessed I am to live in this beautiful place at this time in my life. I cannot believe how blessed I am to have a companion who shares my dreams and life long goals. I cannot believe how blessed I am to be able to "live life out loud", I only just realized that not everybody will do that. You have simply got to live the "blue water experience" to know how incredible it is. This is not to mention everything else that is incredible about this little island. I must be the most loved, blessed and even luckiest person alive! So grateful for my wonderful family and friends and the love and confidence of my Heavenly Father.

As I read through my previous blogs and the blogs that I follow, I find it curious that generally speaking people blog about the things that upset them or make them angry or sad, rarely does anyone blog about sheer job. I want to try to change that, at least for myself. I figure that since my blog is like my Journal, I should try to be more positive and cheerful.

Today Rick is off at a job interview, someone he talked to weeks ago about some survey work that just called him out of the blue. It would only be for 3 or 4 months, but who cares (as Rick said; he would take 3 or 4 days). I'm hopeful that it will work out. There are still a few others things out there, but they will probably take 3 or 4 months to be truly available, so this could be perfect. This gives me great joy for a couple of reasons. First, the most obvious, we need the money, second, Rick really needs to work, he has been doing so well, keeping his spirits up but I know it really bugs him and tears him down that he can't find work. Finally we need our routine back, we become sloppy without a schedule, it also seems that the more we have to do, the more we accomplish.

It is another beautiful day in paradise. The winter here is perfect.

OK, so today we are in the midst of having the deck off our main living area torn up and replaced, it is a messy job that is noisy and annoying, we call the property manager to tell her that the condo association is working on this and she needs to line up the guys to replace the tile on the deck as soon as they finish, and we are really hoping that they can have everything done by the 17th of the month when a friend is coming out for a visit; when she proceeds to tell us that the owner of the condo wants more rent, so as of March 1 our rent will be going up. This is adding insult to injury as we are seriously being inconvenienced by these repairs that we did not ask for. Anyway, this on top of all our other worries about employment, encouraged us to go out today and look around at other housing options.

We really haven't found anything that much better for what we are paying and so far we have found what a good deal we have had and that even with the increase it's not such a bad deal. We still have a few more places to contact, so no decision has been made, and then there is the matter of deposits, if we move, that of course, we don't have, so.........................

Later in the day I was talking to someone I love and trust, looking for some condolences and hoping to have some of my fears abated (I have seriously begun to worry about having to live in our car) when this person reminded me that "I choose to come and live here", at first I was hurt by this comment, mostly because I was scared and looking for some comfort but as I thought more and more about it, I started to turn my whole attitude around.

I realized that actually I didn't choose to come here but rather it was chosen for me, all the same I am greatly blessed by the opportunity. I have not doubt in my mind whatsoever that this is exactly where Rick and I should be at this time in our lives. Finally, even if I were to end up living in my car, I'm am having the adventure of a lifetime, something most people don't even dare to dream about. Now don't I feel silly for complaining and worrying. There are people who would say that I lead a charmed life. A few weeks ago in my writing class we were asked to write an index titled the chapters of our lives. When I looked back at mine I realized that I have been allowed to live a fairy tale, a great adventure, a completely full lifetime and it ain't over yet. What a blessing is that!

I talked it over with Rick and I decided that we are looking at this employment thing all wrong, we need to see our time here is as a great blessing, an advantage that a lot of people don't have and never will get (only because they won't let themselves have it), we need to stop complaining and worrying and start having an attitude of gratitude, and be grateful and in awe of what we have asked for and what we have gotten. We need to really start enjoying the ride and trust that "With God all things are possible", if not how did I ever get this far.

I am truly grateful that my trusted friend gave me exactly what I needed today; a great reminder of how much I have to be thankful for and of how blessed I am. Oh, and by the way, in all of this I have come back to the knowledge that if we are supposed to be here, that job is out there too, we just need to be patient and do all that we can do and know that the Lord will come through. What a day!

Struggling to stay positive, to not be scared, to have more faith, to pray more and more specifically, to NOT spend all day in the bathroom with various gastrointestinal pyrotehnics, to sleep at night and not winning the battle most days. Stress it's a beautifully horrific thing. The funny thing about stress is that no matter how much you try to talk yourself out of it, it's still there, even on what feels like a good day, still there, when you think your completely preoccupied with something else, still there. Trying hard to be "engaged" and yet keep my distance from others, stress makes me abrupt, grumpy and painfully honest, all things that most people don't really want any part of. Then I feel really "judged" by others and guilty for being abrupt, grumpy and painfully honest and guess what; more stress. Have to find a way off this Merry-go-round!

Some days are better!

Some days are better than others. Some days the stress and despair just kind of creep up on you and overtake you, despite your best intentions. Some days there isn't anyone to talk to, but maybe they wouldn't understand anyway. Some days it's probably better to not talk to others and do anything to bring them down. Some days nobody wants to talk to you.

I have to admit that Rick has been spending a lot of time out pounding the pavement seriously looking for work. It leaves me a little lonely and that's not necessarily a good thing, too much time to think and worry. I know that we are each trying to put on a brave face for each other and I do appreciate it. I also appreciate all that he is doing, especially since he has a whole new set of responsibilities at church to worry about. Maybe that's a good thing for him, not too much time to think about things you can't do anything about anyway.

Trying hard to maintain my faith and not be scared. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

A most interesting day spent reflecting on many things. I had the feeling of being especially blessed. I think lately I have been too preoccupied with how we are going to pay this months bills to look out across the Caribbean Sea and remember how blessed I am to live in such a beautiful place at this time in my life.
The last two days almost everyone we know in the states has been locked down by the weather, either extreme amounts of snow or temperatures in the double digits below zero. When I read their comments on Facebook or they call or email me, I can't help but think again how blessed I am not not be a part of that (I spent the 12 months previous to our move down here unable to get warm).

Rick had the opportunity today to talk to some friends in the states to ask for their assistance with things that we left behind and everyone was so kind and concerned and willing to help, again I felt tremendously blessed to have such good friends and family.

I was also reflecting on some of the sacrifices we have made to come to live in this wonderful place, they were not easy and at times some of them still are not easy, but the things we are learning and the blessing that have been bestowed upon us far outweigh the sacrifices. It occurs to me that you need to look at your life as one big learning experience and try not to miss anything, if you do, it might all be wasted (not necessarily your life, but at least, that experience). I really want to learn everything that I can and I don't want to miss a thing, so sometimes the really hard things are the most important.

Rick and I have been talking over the past few weeks about what are the most important qualities you can have and I have come to the conclusion that honesty and integrity are at the top of my list. It is so much easier to be honest than not, if for no other reason than you don't have to keep track of the lies. So often when I know people are lying to me, I can't help but think, do they really think that I am that stupid; the answer is almost always; yes they do. Sometimes that makes me angry, but when I am more rational, I really think; how sad. Almost everyone I know, who is a parent, has a policy with their children, that if they just tell the truth, they won't get in trouble, yet many of these same people have no qualms about telling lies themselves. Do they think that their children don't know that they lie to others? If so, they had better think again, children are smarter than you think and they are also more observant than anyones knows.

Integrity is the next big quality, it kind of goes along with honesty in that I think integrity, simply put means, doing what you say you will do, standing for what you say you stand for and being the person you profess to be in every aspect, at all times, under every condition. It's not easy and sometimes we simply cannot fulfill our duties but then I think we have to own up to it and not simply make excuses. I get really crazy with excuses, just say, hey I blew it and I'm sorry and I will really try to do better next time.

I really believe that when people lack integrity and or tell lies they think that they are pulling something over on someone else when really the damage they do to themselves is irreparable. Contrary to what they think, most people are not that stupid and they know that they have been lied to. Sometimes they make a big deal out of it, but often they just let it go and the liar has less and less credibility with them. Does the person who lies or one who shows not sign of integrity really think that God doesn't know? Surely they can't think that He is that stupid, maybe they just don't care what He thinks.

Coming back to the start of this particular thought; I don't think that our Heavenly Father is a strict disciplinarian who even considers punishing us, but when we do something wrong he simply cannot bless us and who wants to go through this life without blessings.

Just a thought!

Well the whole job thing for me, ended up being way over rated( or under rated depending on how you look at it) but we did have an opportunity to help some people out and allow others to see where their strong points are. I suppose that's a good thing, especially when your looking for the blessings and miracles yourself, it doesn't hurt to be helping others.