Monday, February 7, 2011

Struggling to stay positive, to not be scared, to have more faith, to pray more and more specifically, to NOT spend all day in the bathroom with various gastrointestinal pyrotehnics, to sleep at night and not winning the battle most days. Stress it's a beautifully horrific thing. The funny thing about stress is that no matter how much you try to talk yourself out of it, it's still there, even on what feels like a good day, still there, when you think your completely preoccupied with something else, still there. Trying hard to be "engaged" and yet keep my distance from others, stress makes me abrupt, grumpy and painfully honest, all things that most people don't really want any part of. Then I feel really "judged" by others and guilty for being abrupt, grumpy and painfully honest and guess what; more stress. Have to find a way off this Merry-go-round!

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