Wednesday, October 12, 2011

It's Wednesday, I'm back. Let's hope.

I spent yesterday on the fringes of lunacy. Why do I let myself go there? I could make all kinds of excuses,but truth be told sometimes I like it. I feel like I need to apologize to everyone I came in contact with yesterday.

First, my daughter. She called and sounded awful. She and her youngest are sick, really sick. I just got mad. I get mad that she doesn't take care of herself they way she should. I get mad that she has to work so much and so hard. I get mad that we don't live closer together so I can help her out and take the kids when she's sick. I'm really mad because I feel bad for her, but I'm sure she feels that I'm mad at her. I'm sorry, honey. I just want you to feel better. I want your life to be easier. I want you to be happy. I want your children to be healthy,happy, and safe.

Then Rick came home from work in his usual negative state. Things at work are crazy. Things at church are crazy. Last night he had a Presidency Mtg at church and I had an activity with the girls. We were out late the night before with the Missionaries. Neither of us was excited about going back and "herding cats". I deal with that type of thing by ranting and raving for a few minutes and get it out of my system. Rick deals with it with extreme negativity that can last for weeks. We're going on a couple of months now. Even my ranting and raving (I do more and more of it here, because he obviously does not need one more thing to deal with) isn't getting it and there I am at "the fringes of lunacy".

I did sit down and write the last chapter of a new book I want to write. Starting from the end and working backwards. If that's not the "fringes of lunacy" I'm not sure what is. What happened was I woke up with this idea in my head, maybe I dreamt it (I don't sleep well, so I never remember dreams, if I even have them),I wanted to get a few of the ideas down on paper in the form of notes so I didn't forget them. Instead, I sat down and wrote 2,000 words, a complete chapter. It seemed pretty good to me. When Rick read it, he told me he thought it could stand alone as a short story. That was an interesting concept to me. I'll have to think about it for a few days. I have so many more ideas for the rest of the story. From the start, I mean.

My activity with the girls last night was presented by the sister missionaries.I was disappointed at first,because they did not do what I asked. Instead they did a short presentation of exactly what I needed. I'm trying so hard to keep these kids off drugs,out of gangs, out of some guys bed, in school, prepared for college, prepared for a mission of their own, prepared for life. Ah, there they are "the fringes of lunacy".God does know my name. He loves me even when I'm only hanging on by my fingernails. Before we left the church the Branch President tells Rick and I that he had a dream about us the night before. This is the same guy who has been mad at us for three or four months now. He has refused to shake my hand and barely acknowledges Rick (Rick is his 1st Counsellor in the Branch Presidency). I asked him if I died in his dream,because that's supposed to mean something good. He just looked at me. He did go onto tell us some bizarre dream. Either he ate something crazy before he went to bed or somebody is trying to tell him something. I almost asked him what he was smoking, but here in El Caribe that would be a real insult.

My final act of over the edgeness was last night when some guy from Twitter started a conversation with me about a book idea. I let him have it with both barrels of my "Hey Buddy,live your dreams or die" routine. I'm sure he looked at my profile and figured; "Oh yeah,she lives in a place where the rum is always gone". I already sent that apology via Twitter.

OK, apologies done. I think I'm better. I sure can't get much worse. I still haven't balanced my checkbook,it's only been six months. That is today's goal. Rick and I made a personal commitment, we need to get off island for a few days. Our choices were to go to St Maarten to just play or the Dominican Republic where we can play and get a Spiritual recharge. We're going to the Dominican Republic. Santo Domingo in particular. I have the money for one plane ticket. I'm hoping the money for the second is in the checking account. We'll see your fingers crossed.

The fridge is back working. You will love this. Within some hour or another the repairman shows up. He has a very technical looking tool box with him which he places on my counter. He then proceeds to take everything out of my freezer and puts it in the sink. I go downstairs and drag the cooler upstairs. He tells me I don't need no stinkin' cooler, he will have it fixed in a few minutes. OK. Next he pulls a dining room chair up in front of the freezer and unscrews the back panel. Now, he opens this very technical looking toolbox (I am serious about it's appearance, this is not an exaggeration), he takes our a hairdryer, YES I said hairdryer and proceeds to unthaw the freezer. I'm at my computer cracking up. The long and short of it is the heater, YES I said heater for the fridge is shot, (who knew the fridge needed a heater) so it keeps freezing up and the cold air won't circulate and cool things down. He has to order the part from Puerto Rico should be here in four or five days. This little unthaw should last that long. Before he leaves he asks to us e the bathroom. He goes downstairs and comes up to tell me the toilet is broken. OH, Just Shoot Me. I am warned. He will be back in four or five days.

For today anyway; "Thinking is optional".


  1. certainly don't live a boring life....this little story was also a book in itself!!! LOL

  2. Wow. Tough times. That concept of enduring to end really sucks sometimes. One of my favorite inspirational quotes is by a former member of the Twelve, Orson F. Whitney:

    “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God . . . "

    For me, it reminds me there's a reason for all this, even if I can't see it. My hubby has dealt with tough health issues for more than 20 years (pain is his constant companion), we've got three children who suffer from Bipolar Disorder and all three have attempted suicide. But we persevere. We endure. Because the alternative isn't acceptable.


  3. Thanks Donna. Certainly put things in perspective for me. Some days I'm such a whiner. Our health is good, we live in paradise, it's that 'Enduring to the End' thing that always gets me.

    I also have a daughter who is bi-polar,fortunately only one. Been there and done that. Currently,she is not speaking to us,it's almost two years now. Been there and done this before also.

    Faced the alternative (cancer) and yes it is unacceptable. Someone was complaining to me about birthdays once. I told them I celebrate every one and I celebrate in a big way. Been there and done that, when I thought there were going to be no more birthdays.

    Thanks for you kind words and support. Sometime I just need a slap. Do that too,if you feel the need.