Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Didn't post last night, simply did not feel like it. Trying hard not to post negative things and trying harder not to let negativity creep into my life. Some days harder than others.

Actually yesterday was a pretty good day, got a lot done around the house and caught up on most all of our paperwork, bill paying, etc. It's nice to have a regular paycheck and feel caught up. Unfortunately, Rick, the eternal pessimist, is starting to fret about this current job running out. The contractor had a big push the last two weeks to get a lot of work done so he could get paid(his pay is dependent on productivity). So now, Rick thinks they will be finished up by the end of October instead of November. I don't think it will work that way, because already, now that the contractor got a fat check, he's backing off a little, but I suppose I should let Rick think that so he will get on the stick and get something else lined up. He never really seems to see the need until about 20 minutes before we are absolutely desperate. That's probably not fair, but sometimes, it sure does feel that way. Anyway, I had to tell him that his pessimism and negativity was starting to stress me out, (it really was) and I have been working on not being stressed or negative lately, so please give me a break!

Feeling a little pressure to get a job myself, not from Rick, actually I think he would prefer me not to be punching a time clock. So, I'm not sure who I'm feeling that pressure from, but a lot of people keep asking if I'm going to look for work, or if I have found anything yet. It's probably just me. Trying to make arrangements to go to Idaho right after Thanksgiving, to be there when Rachel has the baby and that is stressing me out. It's expensive. I'm also worried about Rachel, she has been diagnosed with gestational diabetes and I know that has stressed her. Anyway...back to the job, I would want to be honest with a prospective employer and I'm not sure who would give me a job and then basically give me the month of December off, especially since I expect that is the real start of the "tourist season" around here. Of course, I haven't talked to anyone to even have them tell me that's preposterous, so maybe it's just that I don't want to go to work outside the home. I guess I'm just gonna have to figure this one out to a point where I'm comfortable with my decision, and not worry what anyone else says or thinks.

Church activity tonight that I have to admit I'm not too excited about but then other times when I feel that way and I go anyway I usually have a good time. No matter, it will be good to be in the company of the other Saints. I'm sure Sister Dye will be there and she has a way of cheering me up, I don't think she even knows it, but her presence is always cheerful and uplifting I can't resist feeling better in her company. There that's reason enough to go and be excited about going.

Defenitely feel frustrated in my church calling. This should be a source of "something to do" for me and it feels more like beating your head against a brick wall. This may be the source of my "job thing" I really don't feel like I'm doing anything here except the mundane. Everyone is just holding their breath and waiting for the changes we are told are coming and nothing is moving forward RIGHT NOW! You know me, I'm a right now kind of person, so I am frustrated and feel as though I'm doing nothing or less than nothing. I need to trust in the Lord more, I have no doubt that he is in charge but I still feel.......I don't know what. I can see I need more prayer.

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